How are You?

I hate that question now.
How am I supposed to answer?
Do people actually want to know? How would I even put into words how I feel?
It has been one month today since my mummy died. And to say I miss her is the biggest understatement of the century. Last week with Mick away and kids vommiting, and me returning to work all I could think was to ring my mum. She would have gotten me through, and she would have made me laugh :) Having never suffered a loss like this before (I know, I have been incredibly blessed) I am beginning to realise how brave it is for people to approach me and offer their condolences. Its brave to face someone who is suffering such a raw pain.
I am thankful that I have some brave friends.
I will never forget those who have reached out to me during this time. Cards, letters, facebook messages, texts, phone calls, visits...all wonderful, all precious, all make me feel supported:)
I had some friends visit last week. They just sat, and drank coffee and listened. They were brave.
I have been surprised to see who some of the brave people are. And sadly surprised by some of the people who aren't.
Its so true, you really find out who your friends are during times like this :(

I found myself scrapping some old christmas photos today, and it was hard. Way hard. She loved Christmas. Like seriously. When we were going through her clothes we found like 6 christmas shirts. And big earings...with batteries...yeah, she pretty much went all out ;)
I am dreading christmas this year.
But I know these guys will help make it a little easier. Being together makes things hurt a little less...

Mum loved it when we all got together. Some of our family pics have one or more of us frowning, cause she used to force us to get one every single time we were together...I am beyond glad that she did.

Thanks for stopping by my brave friends :)

Some Scrappiness :)

I was lucky enough to get my hands on the new Kaisercraft lace packs and pearls brads. *swoon* My favourite would have to be the 'natural' lace pack and the ice blue pearl brads...I have used a whole packet of the lace already :O

I used some of the lace and brads to create this LO, using a pic of my mum and me as a baby. She used to call me 'my precious firstborn'.
It made me feel special.
I remember walking into her hospital room after travelling from Mundubbera to see her. She held out her hand and said "hello my precious firstborn"...That was the last time she would call me that :(


I used lots of crackle paint, and the gorgeous Secret Bird Society patterned papers...this paper range is gorgeous! The muted colours are perfect for any sort of LO!

I made the cute little rose out of the Kaisercraft lace and a pearl brad. Cute!

And don't forget that Wicked Princesses are hosting a dreamy cyber crop this weekend...you could win vouchers for playing along..why not give it a try???

Thanks for stopping by...have a good weekend!

I was having such a GOOD day

And then, suddenly, I wasn't.
It was my first okay day.
The first day where I didn't lie in bed for half an hour crying before I faced the day. The first day where I actually felt like I could cope with things.
I got the kids packed up and off to school.
I even did some housework.
And then suddenly my grief raced around the corner and punched me in the stomach. Yeah.
Just like that, my good day was done.
Real life is really starting to intrude. I have to go back to work this week, and I am in serious panic mode. My boss rang to ask me about my Christmas holiday plans and it once again hit me that mum, 'Little Miss Christmas' herself wasn't going to be there.
How are we meant to do Christmas without her?
Mick is away, so we are in survival mode. I won't tell you what we are eating for dinner. I'm pretty sure however, that you can't get scurvy in a week. Besides, surely tomato sauce has enough vitamin C to keep it at bay??
See, mum would have known that.

Random story...behind mum and dad's house was a passionfruit vine growing over the fence. The owners were meanies and wanted all the passionfruit for themselves.
One sister had written on their first sign that seeing as how the fruit was hanging over the fence onto a public footpath that the fruit was common property.
The owners took that sign down.
And replaced it.
We wanted to do a letterbox drop with passionfruit recipes and a map to the never ending supply of passionfruit, but we had to go back home :(
A few days after we got back to our own homes, Mum texted and twittered us this photo in a panic. "What do I do"???? She asked!

So in the dead of night, she and Molly tiptoed around. Pen and torch in hand, and did this.



Heh. please use gloves.
technically **not** touching ;)
The Twitter that followed? "Mission accomplished...commando rolls included"

I miss my mum.

Some More Cards...

Amongst our sadness of the past few weeks, we have also had some happy news...So many people I know are announcing pregnancies or having babies :)
Mum loved babies. I am honoring her by celebrating these special new little souls!
I wanted to congratulate people who shared their pregnancy news, as when they told me, I was possibly so very overwhelmed with my own struggles that I failed to show how excited I was for them. So I made cards.
I am hoping that these are the baby's first ever cards! LOL
Nothing like getting in early ;) And I also got news 2 days after my mum's funeral that my beautiful friends Janelle and Brett had their baby girl...welcome to the world baby Grace :)
Janelle is one of those friends whom you can go for months/years without seeing and when you finally do catch up, its as if no time has passed at all.
She came to be with me for mum's funeral.
I couldn't have gotten through it without her.
And she was soooo ready to have her bubby.
But she still came.
That's a good friend, right there :)

Baby cards are the most fun sort of card to make I think!

Thanks for stopping by, have a great day:)

I'm feeling almost famous today!

LOL

I did say almost ;)

My little scrap space is featured on the KaiserCraft blog today! Its not very fancy, and all the furniture is repurposed. But it is aaaallll MINE! Mick was all for setting up a space in one of our finished, painted rooms using nice furniture and saying that the space was mine LOL but I kept it real ;)
I figure that there have to be others out there who prefer to spend their scrapping $$ on stash and not storage!
Right?
Anyone??
**crickets**
Okay...

I also have a LO from one of my all time fave ranges from KaiserCraft Up up and Away, up to share today too...

A picture taken of the kids the week before we found out mum was sick. Only about 5 weeks ago. Wow. Feels like an eternity.

And of course, a quick card to use up those scraps before I packed up ;)

Thanks for stopping by :)

Saturday Sketch...

Is up on the KasierCraft blog :) A great multi photo sketch...two winners this month, and the winner? They get a $25 collection pack! NICE!

I used some scraps from my Hippy Girl 6x6 paper pad and made a card...

I have about a million thank you cards to make after the last few weeks. So this is #1. They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step...well, I have begun!

Its Pouring...

Yeah, you know how 'they' say it never rains, but it pours?
Yeah, feeling like its pouring over this way.
Mick and the kids went home early last week so my sisters and I could have a few extra days to sort through mum's things, and visit her grave before I came home to 'real life'.
I got a phone call on Thursday.
Yeah, another one of THOSE phone calls.
Further reinforces my fear of ever actually answering the phone...
Natalie had been in an accident at school and broken her collar bone.
Poor little chicken.
So my amazing brother Danny and his wonderful wife Adele drove me through the night to get home to my broken baby.
So yeah, I am home. With a broken baby and with a killer cough/cold. I sound as if I am a 75 year old man who has been smoking 2 packs a day since he was 15. So does Sammy. And Mick. Nice.

I am still so deeply sad.
I miss her every moment.
I still cry randomly, especially if someone shows me any kindness. So I have been hibernating. I rang to get another week off work, and apparently have run out of leave. So I am not being paid. Awesome.
I just can't face people yet.

Oh man how I miss her.
I loved spending time with my family. Doing things together. Talking about her, crying, laughing and just remembering.

Heee...we had a Hokey Pokey Baskin and Robbins ice cream in her honour :)

I am struggling through this. I have never been through anything like this before. I really appreciate your beautiful messages of support and condolence on my last post. I cried reading each and every one. You guys are awesome.

***edited*** Because my mum wouldn't want me to put this sort of stuff out there.

Oh man I miss her.

It will get easier I am sure. But right now? Ouch.

My Mummy

This is one post I have never planned to write. A post I never wanted to write. My beautiful mum died last Thursday. 19 days after being diagnosed with cancer. She was only 53. It all happened so fast that they didn't ever manage to actually name her primary cancer. In the end? Things like that didn't even matter.

What mattered is that we all managed to be with her, holding her hand, telling her how loved she was.
Stroking her arms, legs feet...anything we could touch, just telling her how beautiful she was. How blessed we have all been to have her in our lives for far too short a time.
Holding her beautiful soft hands that were so scarred from her 3 years on dialysis, telling her that she was the most amazing mummy, person, friend.

I don't even know how to start living my 'normal' life without her. I rang her every few days just for a chat. Something happened...I would rush to ring her to share. She always listened. She was always on my side.

I am so blessed to have had her as my mum. My kids are so blessed to have met her, and to have known her...she was so special to them. They are devastated. They miss her too.
And my dad, he is so sad. After celebrating 35 years of marriage last month, they were more in love than ever before. And he has had to say goodbye. He always called her his best friend.

As you can imagine, we are all just gutted, and are slowly trying to figure out how to keep going. People say to try one day at a time...but we aren't there yet. We are just going moment to moment. Keeping each other going. Crying together. Laughing together (cause my mum was a funny funny lady). Remembering.

I miss my mummy. So so much.