Saturday, August 7, 2010

My Mummy

This is one post I have never planned to write. A post I never wanted to write. My beautiful mum died last Thursday. 19 days after being diagnosed with cancer. She was only 53. It all happened so fast that they didn't ever manage to actually name her primary cancer. In the end? Things like that didn't even matter.
What mattered is that we all managed to be with her, holding her hand, telling her how loved she was.
Stroking her arms, legs feet...anything we could touch, just telling her how beautiful she was. How blessed we have all been to have her in our lives for far too short a time.
Holding her beautiful soft hands that were so scarred from her 3 years on dialysis, telling her that she was the most amazing mummy, person, friend.
I don't even know how to start living my 'normal' life without her. I rang her every few days just for a chat. Something happened...I would rush to ring her to share. She always listened. She was always on my side.
I am so blessed to have had her as my mum. My kids are so blessed to have met her, and to have known her...she was so special to them. They are devastated. They miss her too.
And my dad, he is so sad. After celebrating 35 years of marriage last month, they were more in love than ever before. And he has had to say goodbye. He always called her his best friend.

As you can imagine, we are all just gutted, and are slowly trying to figure out how to keep going. People say to try one day at a time...but we aren't there yet. We are just going moment to moment. Keeping each other going. Crying together. Laughing together (cause my mum was a funny funny lady). Remembering.

I miss my mummy. So so much.

22 comments:

Sweet Tea said...

Your loss is so BIG and so raw; my heart aches for you. I'm soooo very sorry. You have quite a grieving period to go through - remember that your Blog friends are here to listen. I'd actually like to hear more about your Mom when you're ready to share. She sounds like a remarkable woman.
(((HUGS)))

Lauren said...

Oh sweetie, I am in tears now too! You have such a beautiful way with words. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family are feeling at the moment. It is so nice to hear how much she was loved though. I'm sure she will be missed. xxoo

Felicity said...

tears are rolling down my face.
I honestly dont now what to write.
Memories are so lasting and tears are healing.
Life will never be the same, but just hold those memories ever so close to your heart :)
xxxx

Marisa said...

Oh my Kirsty I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I too have tears streaming down my face. I am at a loss for word on how to express my feeling, I too know what it is like to lose a parent at am early age. My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of sorrow {{{hugs}}}

Sonia said...

Oh Kirsty, my heart aches for you and your family. I cannot imagine what you are going through, your words just so beautiful. Thinking of you, take each moment at a time, life will never be the same but she will always be with you.
Sxxx

Krissy Christie said...

Kirsty I am so sorry for your loss sweetie, I am in tears writing this....I am thinking of you and your gorgeous family, you are all in my thoughts and prayers

Lots of love

Krissy xx

Tanny said...

Mary's service was truly a celebration of her life here on Earth and I bet she couldn't have helped but be "up there" laughing with us and saying, "Thank you for celebrating me."

Her love will transcend through Jesus to continue celebrating your lives with you.

I know I'll be eternally thankful for her and your dad, for what they've done for me.

Hugs from Tania

donna said...

Oh honey, I too am crying while I am typing this... Your mum sounds like she was a gorgeous person, who I know passed that on to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love Donna xxx000

Barb said...

Kirsty you must be so devastated, I am so sorry to hear your news. I know there is nothing I can say to heal your pain, but just know I am thinking of you and your kids...

Kerryn said...

Oh Kirsty love, I am so so sorry. I have thought of you daily since I heard the news. We lost my brother in law under similar circumstances 9 years ago and I know the feeling of shock you would be experiencing right now. The questions of why? What if? Like you say though, in the end those questions don't matter.

You and your family will get through this. It's not easy but you will all find a way to be ok about moving forward without your dear mum by your sides.
Be with your family, love each other, cry together, remember how much your Mum meant to you all and how much she loved you. Even though she is not here with you, she will always be with you.
Much love to you all.
xx

Leanne said...

Oh Kirsty....{{{{hugs}}}} My life complaints are so trivial. Please know that I am thinking of you....x

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss
Sherie

sharon said...

tears in my eyes...remember the good times and celebrate her life - do the things that you know that would make her smile.
xox

kerry said...

Kirsty, i too with tears rolling down my face. I am thinking of you and your family.

georgia keays said...

Kirsty I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have been thinking of you and your family and keeping you in my prayers Georgia xx

:) Tiff said...

oh mate. wish I could hug ya. I'm overwhelmed and I have NO idea how you would be feeling right now. Just breathe ok and one tiny step in front of the other!!

t

Trudi said...

Oh Kirsty, my heart goes out to you and yours during this sad, sad time. Nothing I say, Nothing I write will take your pain away, Please know I would if I could... I have you in my heart and my thoughts. I can only hope that you live with the pain a little easier as each day passes. Mummy's truly are such precious, special people - and yours certainly sounds like a mighty fine one!! Celebrate her life, remember the good times but most importantly remember her love and strength - this will help you
Hugs
xx

Kate said...

thinking of you kirst, if there is anything we can do for you be sure to let us know. you will get through this in your own way, xoxo love you xo

Karen Shady said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. You have been in my thoughts everyday. I am so sorry for your loss Kirsty. xx

Tiff Sawyer said...

Hi hunnie, I am so, so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful tribute to your wonderful mum, I am sure she is shining down on your right now and smiling as you remember the special times you shared. May she rest in peace, always and may each day bring you a touch more healing and help you to find some beauty to help you along your way xx.

Tanya Tahir said...

Hi Kirsty, words cannot describe the sorrow I am feeling for you and your family. I'm so sorry! Please know that I am thinking of you xx

Nicole said...

Oh sweetie, I don't think I can say anything, cuts me deep as this is what I'm scared of. What you've written is what I've been thinking, I don't know if you know but my mum has cancer too and it's terminal and we don't know how long. So yep I'm feeling your pain, just not as much at the moment.

many hugs to you
xx