Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Mother's Day

Its getting scarily close.
My kids are super cute. They get so excited about little holidays like these, and I am trying to be upbeat about it, but I am so deep in my bones sad.
My first Mother's day without a mum.
It hurt to type that.
Its just another one of those 'firsts'. Very un-fun.

Last week was a bit rough. We heard from someone who has behaved pretty badly, and it was kind of like a punch in the guts. You know when someone doesn't own their behavior...its just hurtful and frustrating. Instead of an apology, they try and explain and rationalize their horrid hurtful actions. Not cool.

A friend lost her mum to cancer.
I had never met this lady's mum, but that knocked me so hard that I actually spent a day in bed crying.
I haven't had a day like that for a while.
Thank goodness I have a husband who lets me fall apart occasionally, and then helps to build me back up again.

And my nightmares have started again. Every single one, I am chasing my mum. I am trying to help her, and I just can't reach her. Some nights, I have up to 5 of those.

And then, on top of that...we are staring at Mother's Day.
Some weeks, are just harder than others.
This is a hard week.

She truly was an amazing mum.
The kind of mum that everyone should have and celebrate.
If you are blessed enough to have a mum to spend Mother's Day with this weekend, hug her extra tight for me, and take a moment to just be thankful that she is with you.
Thanks for stopping by...and sorry for the gloomy post.


Kristy Paterson said...

Oh Kirsty, I don't personally know you but I understand your pain :( Be strong and hold on to the memories of your Mother for all you are worth. Be brave and I will hug my Mum extra for you xx

Jasmine S said...

Kirsty I just cannot imagine losing my Mum so I cannot imagine how you feel. My Mum too is a super Mum and I don't know who I would turn to if she wasnt there for those little chats and those opinions we value.
Make sure you get an extra big hug this Mother's day. It might just make it that little bit better.
Hugs coming from my way to you too....

Lisa's Passion to Scrap said...

Thinking of you at this difficult time Kirsty, Take Care of yourself x

Nicole said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother! I can only imagine what pain you must be going through. Although i lost my Dad to cancer in 2004, I am lucky enough to still have my Mom in my life so i definitely want to cherish every single moment i have with her! *HUG*

Kerryn said...

Not gloomy at all love. You miss your Mum and some days that hits you harder than others.

I hope your kids give you some of those extra big hugs too.

Lori said...

Kirsty, I don't really know you but I truly feel for you. My mother is my best friend and I can't begin to imagine my life without her...sounds as if you and your mother were the same. Honestly the mountains I've had in my life have only been crossed with my faith. Otherwise I just would have broken down and given up...please know I'm going to pray for you today to have some peace and restful sleep. I actually came by to say thanks for stopping by my blog...but your pain was so much more important to address...Hugs....Lori

Janna Werner said...

All the best to you, Kirsty. I can imagine how hard it must be for you, good to have someone like your husband around. Big HUGS, Janna

:) Tiff said...

you have been so very blessed to have had a wonderful Mum.

As much as it sounds awful, I don't love my Mum and haven't had for the longest time. Its more like I'm her Mohter and she's the bratty snot nose teenager.

And you do have wonderful photos of your Mum. They are so much more precious now.

take care and I'll think of you on Sunday. hold your kids close. You are their Mum and you sound just as wonderful as you Mum was!!!

Krissy said...

Sending big squishy {{huggles}} to you lovely.

Krissy xx

Camilla Ekman said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry, Kirsty! Hugs, Camilla

Teresa said...

Oh Kirsty, I'm so sorry this Mother's Day will be tinged with sadness for you. It's never easy losing someone, but along with your sad memories, try to wallow a little in the happy ones too. I'm sure you have many happy things to remember about your Mum.
I'll be thinking of you,

Leanne said...

Oh Hun.. {{Hugs}} I wish this was easier for you. I wish you didn't have to go through it at all. But continue at your own pace, doing what you are doing. If you need to take a day off... go for it. You have a wonderful supportive family. They know what you need. And you have such fun and beautiful photos of your wonderful Mum. And you are keeping her memory fresh and alive.


Sweet Tea said...

I feel like that when Father's Day comes round, and it's been 4 years now. Try to celebrate your Mom, hon, and see if that helps. Do something fun and uplifting that your Mom loved - that's what I would want my children to do. Plan ahead so you have a definite plan for the day. I don't include church on this particular Sunday as there is usually a lot of sad remembrance there. Give this a try. I KNOW it will help. ((HUGS))

Alanna said...

Oh Kirsty, I'm almost in tears reading your post. You're right, we all have those weeks where things are just harder. Wishing you all the best for this tough time.

Karen Shady said...

OMGoodness.... You did it too me again, Im crying my eyes out.... Crying for you and your family who have lost so much, and crying at the thought that I will loose my Mum one day.... extra big HUGS to you my friend xx At least you had one little bit of happiness today xx congrats on the final 25 !!! xx Im more nervous now that we made it this far :)

Aga said...

Will be thinking of you today Kirsty xx